Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Owls: Nature's Bitchface

In our enthusiasm for cats, Caity and I failed to notice the other animal that has perfected nature's bitchface, and therefore qualifies to represent us: the owl. Behold.

We are judging you so hard right now.

Bitch please.

Surely, you jest. You can't possibly be that dumb.

What the actual fuck is she wearing right now.


Nerd Hipsters

The Glory of Lost Girl

This is what I had the privilege to wake up to this morning. I think Alex watched the new episode of Lost Girl last night... ? Spoiler alert.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Alex really freaking hates......


I had an experience this morning at the BART station which sent me into an early morning rage and reminded me how much I loathe pedestrians. The reasons why I hate pedestrians are as numerous as they are completely justified. Let’s enumerate a few of them.

  1. They are arrogant. I don’t know why pedestrians think that technically having the right of way makes them suddenly superheros who can’t die. I do not care if you have the right of way; walking into the street without making sure there are no cars coming is suicidal. I am operating a gigantic moving weapon. I ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.
  2. They are selfish. By all means, pedestrian, choose to walk across the street right as I’m pulling up to the crosswalk, even though there are zero cars behind me. And please, PLEASE, walk slower, because I, like you, have nowhere important to be.
  3. They are oblivious. I see this all the time (slash this was me this morning): some poor car has been sitting at a busy crosswalk forever, waiting for a break in the constant stream of pedestrians so it can turn right, and yet everyone keeps walking on, like they own the road and everyone else must wait for their royal highness's to pass.

I could go on and on but I don’t care nearly enough.

Saturday Morning

Yeah, this is pretty normal.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Alex and Caity do St. Patrick's Day

Alex’s Plan: I’m really torn between drinking beer by myself while I watch tv or drinking wine by myself while I watch tv. It’s such a tough decision.

Caity’s Plan: It’s St. Patrick’s Day today? Huh. Well, it's an ABC Family Harry Potter Weekend, soo.....

Friday, March 16, 2012


Rule #12: There is nothing worse than dumb people. Nothing. Being dumb = being the actual worst. If you have to question whether or not you’re dumb, you most likely are. If you’re convinced you are not, in fact, dumb, Caity and Alex commend you on your confidence. However, you are most likely dumb. But there are also levels of dumb. You can simply be a dumb person, or you can make a dumb comment. Don't be discouraged if you're momentarily dumb, just try not to let it happen again. If there are any specific questions regarding a 'kind' of dumb person or situation, Caity and Alex would  be glad to shed some light.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Alex's Past, Present, and Future according to Caity

Isn't it glorious?

Caity’s version of grocery shopping:

“Remember how I'm lazy and don't go to the grocery store and instead I order my groceries online and they bring them to me and put them in my kitchen?

I just remembered I got cookie dough this time. Saturday is going to be awesome.”
Ladies and Gentleman, that’s how it’s done.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Rule #10: Poor grammar is unacceptable. If Alex or Caity makes a mistake, please refer to rule 8.

Rule #11: Hipsters are stupid, and if you ever say "I liked that before it was cool" you are also stupid. Only exception: Caity and Alex, obviously. Because they actually did like popular things before they were popular. This is not hipster, this is factual.

Caity and Alex Discuss How Crappy Wednesday Is

Caity:  I'm not feeling funny at all right now
I just got SO tired and sleepy
and bored
Alex:  gosh me neither
i have absolutely nothing
yesterday we were on FIRE
Caity:  We totally were
it was magical
Alex:  it truly was. i miss yesterday.
Caity:  yesterday was the best
Alex:  gosh why does today suck so hard
it has sucked since my alarm went off
Caity:  samsies.
nothing redeeming about this day at all
pro: watching LG after work. Pro: pi party tonight. Con: pi party tonight
pro: I don't want to go to the store after work so I decided to order pizza and have it for lunch for the next three days
Alex:  definitely a pro
pro: i'm doing pilates after work with the work girls. con: i'm doing pilates.
pro: i'm hanging out with bree after work tonight
con: i can't watch lost girl OR american idol
so really that's just a con
Caity:  yep that's a huge con
dang girl
look at  you
Alex:  i know right
i hate it
i'm breaking two of our rules in one day
although i'll be having froyo for dinner
Alex:  super FRO
Caity:  add that to the list of acceptable dinner options

Tuesday, March 13, 2012



Inaugural Posting of the "I Hate Everyone Who Isn't Caity and Alex" Club

Welcome to the first official posting of the "I Hate Everyone Who Isn't Caity and Alex" Club! If you're reading this, you are a very blessed person indeed. Most likely, you're Alex or Caity. So let's get down to brass tacks.

The “I Hate Everyone Who Isn’t Caity and Alex” Club

Founders and Co-Presidents, Alex and Caity.

Our Mission Statement, which is stated to the right:
The “I Hate Everyone Who Isn’t Caity and Alex” Club has a duel mission. Firstly, it was created to combat all of the horrible crap in the world that does not have to do with Caity and Alex. Secondly, it strives to teach the plebeian masses about the glory of Caity and Alex, and how their life philosophy can improve the once mundane lives of their followers. No one will ever be Caity and Alex, but they can strive to be LIKE Caity and Alex. Either way, they’ll probably still hate you.

Our Mascot:
The flawless Kenzi. She's the only person who isn’t Caity and Alex that Caity and Alex like, because she exemplifies the Caity and Alex life philosophy.

Club Motto:
I would, but I really don’t want to.

Club Rules:
1. If there is a choice between tv and social interaction, choose tv. The only exception is if that social interaction is with Caity and Alex, in which case, you’re welcome world. However, that’s highly unlikely, as they always follow rule one.
2. Cats are superior to every other animal, including humans. Especially humans.
3. On the weekends, human interaction and pants are always optional.
4. Teddy Grahams and chocolate frosting are a perfectly acceptable dinner. So is red wine.
5. Exercise is NEVER acceptable. EVER. Cut that ish out.
6. Stefan Salvatore is the most amazing vampire ever. Fact.
7. If you don’t make yourself laugh, you’re joke isn’t funny and no one wants to hear it. Don’t say it.
8. Caity and Alex are always right, even when they’re wrong. They defy logic.
9. Capslock is always appropriate. UNTIL IT’S NOT.
9. Rules can be added by the Co-Presidents whenever they want and as many they want. Bitches.

  • How do I know if I’m a fan of Alex and Caity?
Here are a few simple questions you can ask yourself to determine whether or not you’re a fan of Caity and Alex.
1. Are you breathing?
2. Do you like awesome things?
3. Do you like pretty things?
4. Are you opposed to stupid people?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, congratulations! You’re a fan of Caity and Alex and eligible for membership.
  • Will I ever be a member of the club?
Of course! Everyone is welcome to be in the “I Hate Everyone Who Isn’t Alex and Caity” club. Being a member simply means you share our views on life, that you too hate everyone who isn’t us and love us as much as we love ourselves.
  • But does that mean you hate me too?
Sadly yes. But there’s nothing you can do about that, so why dwell on it?